Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
