I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
