we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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