I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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