You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
