saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
