so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he shaved USA in his pubs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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