trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
