i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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