Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
