You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
