Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
