oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
