using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
