I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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