i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
