I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
