Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
