k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
a search helicopter?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
