i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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