Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
