his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
