I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You took a bar mat shot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
