if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nutella sex= disaster
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
