It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
