He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
