Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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