New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
