Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
