Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
