he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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