And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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