Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
