Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
