god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
