so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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