hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
