He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
