I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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