Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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