I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
