halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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