My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
