By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
