Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
