i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
