This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
