How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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