Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
