Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
barbara walters just said penis...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
