Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
false alarm, still single
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
