If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
