i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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