i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
